By Hadassah Agbaps - April 21, 2014

Hi people, what's been on?

Okay, so some people are probably ready to cut me with a knife and one is giving me the full on glare right now but everyone is entitled to their opinions, right?

And seriously, I’m not trying to be controversial or anything….just trying to share my thoughts and see what people around the world think about it….
So, why am I talking about this??

Well, I went for a wedding with my family. It was a beautiful event!
Lots of love, laughter, music, noise, meet and greets, meat and rice, my favorite abacha and all.

Very well attended and the love between the newly wedded couple was pleasantly fragrant until someone under the influence of so much wine…..I really really wanted it to be the wine….commented that,

Today must be the happiest day of the bride’s life’…..and everything became grey from there… not for the couple, they were blissfully unaware…..I checked!

I tried chewing my abacha and enjoying the mix of sweet, salty, sour and peppery on my tongue……but I just couldn’t…..

So I said,
Erm…I don’t think this is the happiest day for the bride or the groom…..or….maybe it could be true…..but personally, I don’t think my wedding day is the happiest day of my life!’.

Silence…..absolute silence….as everyone (okay almost everyone within earshot) turned to look at me like I had grown horns!

Don’t say that again!!!!’, retorted a cousin sharply.

You should be careful of what you say, your wedding day must be the happiest day of your life…in fact it is the happiest day of every woman’s life’, she said with finality. ‘Don’t say that again, my dear…do you want angels to pass and hear that and bring your words to pass???

Almost everyone nodded in agreement especially the women….the men just looked on silently
….my brother had a smirk that said ‘I’m so curious to see how you will worm your way out of this one’
….my mother looked ‘anxiously interested’….anxious that I’ve spoiled every chance of being positively recommended by my relatives….interested that I probably had a good reason for saying what I said but what???

Okay’, I said with a sigh ‘but has anyone bothered to ask why I don’t think my wedding day will be the happiest day of my life…..why do you think that the day a woman weds is the happiest day of her life?

‘…Because, that day is one of her biggest achievements, she’s finally a wife and on her way to becoming a mother…she has finally married the love of her life…the man who loves her….there is no way that day isn’t the happiest day of her life unless she doesn’t love the man or doesn’t want to marry’

I agree with what you said…’, I said to the relief of all listening in ..’…but I don’t agree with everything you said’

Here’s why I don’t think my wedding is the happiest day of my life……

When I was very little, getting my almost life doll was the happiest day of my life…….so was my much anticipated fifth birthday……so was making and selling my first dolls’ dresses in school….so was passing my common entrance….so was getting that maths scholarship….so was starting secondary school….so was purchasing my first shares….so was getting my first dividend….so was my first kiss… was getting admission into the university….so was bumping into my first sweetheart… was graduation….so was starting my service….so was starting my blog….so was my first comment… was getting into graduate school… will be graduating… will be taking my dream project to the next level… will be getting married… will be having my first child, then the next….then hearing mama… will be rising to the top of my career….so will be reaching every milestone I want before I die……….

The point is my wedding day will be one of the happiest days of my life…..not necessarily the happiest day of my life……because…… I’m greedy.

 I don’t want happiness to end on just that one day…..I want to have other days of happiness…..I want the ‘happily ever after that’… matter how many winters…I want the brightest summer.

 Saying that my wedding day is the happiest day of my life is like saying that that is the only summer I will get and the rest of the days will be winter…….or saying that that day is the brightest summer of my life and the rest of the summers after that will be just ‘bleh’…….

At each point after that wedding day, I want to still experience moments of pure happiness that I will put into my treasure box tagged ‘Happiest Days of my Life’! 
The best part about it is that I’ll have my own team to share it with… own cheerleaders…lol!

But that’s my thoughts anyway and happiness is relative….
So people, is the wedding day really supposed to be the happiest day of a woman’s life??????


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  1. Yes, for most women, after that wedding day comes childbirth, which could replace that. Happiest days are forever changing! Great article!

  2. This post had me stifling laughter! I can imagine the look on everyone's faces! Lol
    People think it's the fulfillment of every woman's dreams, the sum of her life's achievements to get married. It's this mindset that has some men announcing "I want to marry you!" looking smug and self satisfied, expecting you to break dance because you heard marriage.
    I totally agree with you- Yes, it's a very happy day, wonderful, blessed. The absolute happiest? Not so sure. It's a commitment not a prize horse. I look forward to so many other things I want to accomplish as well. Why this surprises some people to hear l'll never understand.
    As for the fact they don't say it's the happiest day of the groom's life, eternal side eye from me.

    1. Lol! I add my eternal side eye to yours o! Why is it the woman that should be grateful to get married. I don't want to start ranting all feminist because I'm far from that. I still think both sexes complement one another but traditional feelings aside (because one is expected to want to be a wife and mother), how should she be grateful that she'll have to go through the stress of an official name change (ie.....all prior documents remain valid), a body change (there goes that figure if you don't work out), a career change (you close late and for the sake if the kids, you have to resign), a life change (say bye bye to spontaneous trips) and so many more adjustments....

  3. Loool! Your last paragragh was my first thought. As you said happiness is relative. Btw marriage is an achievement for BOTH parties. A good happy marriage that lasts. Oooh don't let me mount my feminist soap box lol. The wedding is not much of an achievement. Except in organisation perhaps. Nigerians n forcing their opinions down ppl's throats. Sigh. You go fear MUST be the happiest day of ur life

    1. 'A good happy marriage that lasts' seriously, that to me is the real point of that day. I've seen fancy flouncy wedding that crashed..IMO...perhaps because the couple believed that the wedding day was 'the happiest day' of their lives and it went downhill from there. Perhaps if they saw it as just 'one' happy day, they may have tried to work together to recreate that happiness every other day...
      ....and yes o, some Nigerians can force their opinions down a closed mouth not to talk of reaching the! I bristled when I heard the word 'MUST'.....mehn we really should try and look at things from both angles!

  4. I completely agree with you. I think in Nigeria, we have made the wedding day to be such a big deal that a lady who has not had her own is considered a failure. That is also why people go into so much debt to make this day a success.

    Everyone should know that there is life after the wedding day, and more goals to be achieved after that.

    1. Yes we have made the wedding day so much of a big deal so much so that seriously, I see lots of brilliant girls become almost clinically depressed because they haven't worn the white/cream dress.....

  5. Replies
    1. Lol, AN! Been having the almost normal technical issues! Bear with me! :)


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