By Hadassah Agbaps - March 29, 2015

Having natural hair has taught me some things about life.
I wrote a post sometime ago about how it helps me be a better Christian.

Today I'll write about how it teaches me to just "Listen".

I read a lot of articles where a natural with loose texture e.g. Type 3 tries to share her struggles about having natural hair and in the comments section, you see a lot of people up in arms telling her how she has no "real" she should literally #shutupanddeal!

Just because she has long natural hair or looser curls does not necessarily reduce the weight of her natural hair struggles!

We should understand that in the same way we had to come to terms with managing the change from straight relaxed hair to kinky curly hair, she may still be battling with natural hair care difficulties of her own.

How many people have successfully been able to care for a curly wig without all the matting and tangles? And most wigs have curls of the type 3 category and imagine this case where the hair has not been treated with any smoothing chemical? Does this really look like less of a problem???

Or let me take the case of a thick haired natural saying that a fine haired natural has no "real" natural hair struggles just because she has less hair to deal with....

Or the fine haired natural saying the thick haired natural has no "real" natural hair struggles because she doesn't have to deal with scalpy
hair styles and unnecessary breakage.....

Or the short haired natural saying the long haired natural has no "real" natural hair struggles just because she has attained envious length and thus can do whatever she wants with her hair and look good while at it.....

Or the long haired natural saying the short haired natural has no " real "natural hair struggles because she doesn't have to deal with long wash days, tangles, dryness, breakage and styling time.....

Let's shift out of the realm of hair...

Someone struggling to loose weight will say the naturally skinny girl has no "real" struggles but skinny girl might be trying just as hard to gain weight as you are trying to loose weight! Why belittle her struggles?

Someone with bad skin may say the girl with flawless skin has no "real" struggles but do you really know the pain and loneliness that lies within that clear visage??

Someone who is struggling financially may say the person who is well off has no "real" struggles but do you know all the dirty secrets that lies behind the golden gates? That silver spoon may be laced with pepper!

How will you feel is you are sharing your struggles passionately with someone secretly battling with a terminal disease and the person tells you midway between your tale to

"SHUT UP and DEAL!!! Your struggle is soooo trivial compared to mine"!

It hurts right???

Even if we cannot relate to someone's struggle, the most you can do is just "SHUT UP and LISTEN!!!"..

Let's be our sister's keeper! Let's try not to belittle anyone's struggles just because it isn't ours!

Who knows who we are secretly saving from the deep end?

Just before you judge, just think "How will I feel if someone dismisses my natural hair struggles as irrelevant, trivial, unimportant....."

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  1. Great post as always Hadassah. One should always walk for 10 miles in someone else's shoes. That's the best way to stop judging people's actions

  2. Well said dear. We need to be more empathetic or if that's too much of a stretch for some then sympathetic at least.

  3. Liked your post on Instagram, and I like this one too!

    Berry Dakara Blog


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